youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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