you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i came on her dog
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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