Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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