went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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