why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
