There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
