NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
