Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
