Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
