This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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