Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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