I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
