wanna go halves on a baby?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
