Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
