chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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