I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
