Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
