You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
