I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
worst night to have a conscience
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There's even glitter on my cock...
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