i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
