apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
