I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
