What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
