Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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