didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
