You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
