He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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