so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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