If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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