big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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