Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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