So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
