I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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