Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
