Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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