dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
