please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
