I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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