possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
