hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
