He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
