I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
