U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
