Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
