It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
