at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
