dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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