Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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