Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
