Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
