I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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